When I am off track and out of control, 
I feel like I am going to crash.
I am afraid of what might happen.
I know what will happen.

People won't like me.
I might lose privileges.
People won't respect me.
I could get fired.
I could get arrested and go to jail.
I could get hurt.
I could even get killed.

I'm on the right track now,
But I could lose it at any time.
Then, the thing that I need to do most
Is the one thing that I have a really hard time doing.
When I feel like I am going to lose it,
What I need to do is 
Ask For Help!

When my brain is not working right,
I need to let someone I trust
Help me 
To stay safe and get calm again.

When my brain is not working right,
I feel like I am on a FASD Train
Going downhill,
And the engineer is asleep
And I can't wake him up,
And I can't put on the brakes.

I watch myself go faster and faster,
And I can't stop.

In my head,
I want to yell for
But the words that come out are full of
Anger and
Frustration and
Bad, bad words.

When I slow down and finally stop,
I am okay again.
Then my mom and I have a "talk."
My mom is always there to help me.  
But who is going to be there for me 
When she is gone?     


by John Kellerman, May 1, 2003
Grieving the Loss of the Dream