Miki is truly 
the most precious thing 
in my life these days.  
She makes me smile 
no matter how crazy things are.
I bought a couple bags of Halloween chocolate. 
Not the icky stuff!  
Decent candy 
wrapped in orange and brown wrappers!   
Last night I gave Miki a bite size Mounds bar 
for a treat.
She stood there with the wrapper in her hand.  
"What's this name?"
"Mounds bar."
"No.  What's this called?"
"NO!  What's this NAME???"
"Mounds bar.  Chocolate.  Candy...."
"NO!!!  SAY 'ORANGE'!"
"Oh!  You mean the color!  
It's orange."
"Color.  Yes.  
Good job Mommy!  
I'm so PROUD of you!  
You know ORANGE!!"
This was followed by a big hug and kiss, 
and then she asked me to cuddle her 
til she fell asleep.
This morning she came into my room 
and looked for the candy bag.  
She said, "Did you eat your candy all gone?"
I said yes.  
I was prepared for her to have an attitude 
because she couldn't have any more.  
Instead she threw her arms around me and said, 
"Good job, Mommy!!!  I'm soooooo proud of you!"
I laughed, hugged her, 
and asked if she had any idea 
how precious she is.
She said yes....
Precious???  YES!
Spoiled???  DEFINITELY!!!!
Would I change her????
Not for a million dollars!!!
She really gives me hope.  
Her biological heritage isn't promising.
Her prenatal history isn't good.
She is truly a miracle!  
Every day I wait 
for the other shoe to drop.  
Every night I whisper a thank you 
that it hasn't.
I just wish I could relax 
and accept her 
as a healthy, beautiful, young lady 
with all the potential in the world.  
Instead the shadow of FASD is always there.  
With Miki though, 
sometimes she shines so bright 
I don't see the shadow.

by Kris, September 13, 2002
Grieving the Loss of the Dream