I Am Tired
2001-2003 Vicky Pay

I saw a plaque once that read

I AM WOMAN, I AM INVINCIBLE, I AM TIRED

I am tired of being told I am a pioneer in the FASD field and that things will be better in the future, that my experience and knowledge of FASD will helps others.

I am tired of people dismissing FASD, of not being believed.

I am tired of watching helplessly as FASD destroys my family because I cannot get understanding or support from the "professionals" in my immediate environment.

I am tired of the frustration that I entrusted the care of my son to a group home agency that turned out to be incompetent and uncaring.

I am tired of trying to rescue my son, who is shacked up with a 40 year old woman, former employee of the group home who figured she knew my son better than I do, and no one can or will do anything about it.

I am tired of the heartbreak that is overwhelming every time my son phones me to ask for my help doing something I had already set up for him.  For example, he calls and asks me how he can get his high school education by himself by homeschooling.  He cannot even give me his mailing address and yet asks me to mail things to him.  He asks me how to apply for a social insurance number even though he has no address to put on the application form.

I am tired of the grief, frustration and despair of feeling like I have an 8 year old son out there in the world, lost and all alone and not a clue of how the world works.  He has plans and desires and goals without a clue on how to reach them and expects me to make it happen for him from 1500 miles away.  It is so sad!

I am tired of spending countless hours educating and training prospective respite providers only to have them quit.

I am tired of my family paying a huge price all because of alcohol!

I am tired of the struggle!

Positives in my life - today I don't have the energy to dig that deep to try and find them!  I am too exhausted, suffering from battle fatigue with no hope for a break in action.

Vicki (who doesn't even have clean teeth yet today)


FAS Community Resource Center