Ranting to the Wind

This morning
I have wasted my time ranting to the wind.

I hate drugs,
Especially alcohol and methamphetamines!

I shouted out my kitchen window to the world,
The world with deaf ears.
I said every person
That likes to take a drink of alcohol
Should have at least one FASD kid to raise.

Every Governor, Congressman or Senator,
Every President should have at least three,
With no help in taking care of them.
They would have to have them with them
All day, every day!

Every person that sells alcohol 
Should have at least 10 in their home 
(5 could do it but let them add 
A bit more suffering to their lives)
So they know what serving alcohol can do to people,
Innocent little people,
Not yet born!

I hate the screaming
And the rages.
I hate the obsessive-compulsive behaviors.
I hate the fussing
Over every little thing that touches their skin,
Over everything that isn't the right color or texture,
Over what they want at the moment
But is different two seconds later.

I hate the indecision and vacant stares
As they try to absorb what is being said to them.
I hate how they can lash out and hurt others
With whatever happens to be in their hands or close by.
I hate how they don't even know
How to feel sorry for the hurts they cause.

I hate the destruction of my house,
Slowly, piece by piece.

I hate how the smell of dirt
Can drive a little child to near insanity.

I hate how they want to be like everyone else 
And can't.
They don't grow up.

I hate the night terrors,
The fear,
The anger,
The endless crying,
The things that fly through the air
As they fight for control of their life,
The sleepless nights,
The many other illnesses
That tag along hand in hand with FASD.

I hate, I hate, I hate...

I have to let go of the hate
So my heart can be filled with love
For the little innocents that suffer the damage.
I have to be filled with patience
And endurance
And wisdom
And strength...
Strength of soul AND body.
I have to pray for peace of mind
In knowing that I am doing 
All that is possible to help them
And yet searching
For just one more thing
That might help make their lives
A bit more bearable for them.

I have to pray for the love of God
To fill me
And His spirit of forgiveness
To become a part of my life
So I can go on living day to day
With compassion above and beyond
What was ever thought humanly possible.

It WAS humanly impossible.
Only by God's grace can I carry on!
If only the wind could carry the message
To every corner of the world!

Don't drink or do drugs
If you are or might be trying to get

by Carol in Washington, June 13, 2002
Grieving the Loss of the Dream