Normal Life

Many many times lately I have asked myself,
Why am I doing this?  
This child will never know a life.  
He will never be regular, 
he will never have a perfect job. 
He will be lucky to stay out of prison.  
My Sons' cases are extreme.
My boys have not only FAS 
but some severe mental disorders. 

I have been in a circle of grief lately, 
seeing a grim future 
and a harsh reality.  
Then I read the wonderful story 
about John and Sheena,
and I thought...

Life doesn't have to be normal to be perfect.  
Love doesn't have to be sophisticated 
to be the reason a heart beats.

Someday I want to take my sons to the Mall 
with their lovely girl friends. 
See them share the moment 
of picking out their first piece of jewelry. 
A tender, gentle and appropriate kiss 
that makes the world fill with fireworks.  
I realized watching this tender story 
that the boys lives are theirs.
And for them there will be moments of magic, 
moments of achievement. 
There will be love 
and a communion of hearts for them.  

Sometimes our minds get trapped 
into what is accepted as "Normal"
And I actually think the slow, 
well thought out road of love, 
friendship and struggles 
is much more romantic, 
and life is a process not a result.  

I know why I am doing this, 
raising these boys to be the best they can be.  
They are alive 
and their life is their process and 
they enjoy living it as much as anyone does. 

by Annie, August 4, 2001
Grieving the Loss of the Dream